On my nightstand

An Immoveable Feast by John Baxter. I pretty much ripped through this fun French read sent to me by Cherie! Thanks again Cherie.

The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allan and Bar ara Pease. This is a fascinating read. I am reading it slowly so I can remember all the important knowledge it has about reading body language. I recommend this to anyone and everyone. It is a library book.

The Mandarins by Simone de Beaviour. This is a library book I haven’t had a chance to start yet.

The Elementary Particles by Michel Houellebecq. I am three-fourths of the way through this library book, inspired by either the author of Entre Nous or the author of French Women Don’t Sleep Alone who mentioned that French women argue over the latest Houellebecq book. Great book. Very intellectual and lots of sex. I’ve heard it is dismal and depressing at its conclusion however. We’ll see.

When Will There Be Good News by Kate Atkinson. A great book I will pick up and resume reading when I finish my library books.

Loop Loop and Here Kitty Kitty are books I own that I may not get to for a while.

On my nightstand this week

Happiness is a big stack of books by my bedside!

While waiting for a book from the library to come in I began this book:

When will there be good news? by Kate Atkinson — so far I love it, but because I own it, I set it aside for a library book that came in:

The Elementary Particles by Michel Houellebecq. Those of you in the FC group might be interested in how I came across it. Please forgive my sloppy attribution (and you can be sure if I were publishing a book I would track this fact down) but it was possibly in Entre Nous or French Women Don’t Sleep Alone (or maybe even another book — if you know which one let me know) that it mentioned this French author. So I tracked him down online and then ordered this book from my library. So far it is fantastic. I am concentrating on this exclusively since it it borrowed and has a due date. I have the dictionary by my bed to look up words in this book I am not familiar with. So far I have looked up  the word “hirstute.”

After I run out of library books I am going to start on two books that came in a big box of books from a friend:

Loop Group by Larry McMurtry (the author of Terms of Endearment)

and

Here Kitty Kitty by Jardine Libaire

FILMS

Pretty much the only thing I like better than a good book is a good movie!

I think I mentioned a few weeks ago I saw Inglorious Basterds, Tarantino’s new flick and loved it so much I’m going to mention it again!

I also rented Munich last week – an intense film that really illustrates a feeling of ongoing hopelessness surrounding the situation in the middle east and just how sad it really is. It is easy for people who live in the United States to tune it out and not realize how dramatically it impacts so many people.

I also borrowed Breathless from the library yesterday. I has previously rented it on Netflix, but had to return it because the disc was scratched. I’m looking forward to watching this classic. I think I may try to watch it tonight.

On my nightstand

I finished The Historian last week. I loved it so much I hated to finish it … I also skimmed through The Gift of a Year this week, but never really got into it. I also skimmed The Art of Simple Food, but wasn’t as enamored of it as I have been in the past, (maybe just my mood).

What is left:

Stalking Susan by Julie Kramer — so far I am loving this book. (OK, not as much as I loved The Historian, but for other reasons!) It is in the same genre as a book I have started to write (with a female reporter as a heroine) and has actually inspired me to begin writing again.!!!! Which is huge!!!

The copy on my nightstand belongs to my SIL (who hasn’t read it yet) but I also ordered my own copy today from Amazon and am giving her back her copy tonight. We have book club tonight and it is her turn to pick. After I raved about the first few chapters, she decided to pick this book, so I’ve ordered my own copy and am returning hers. My other bookclub meets on Thursday. We are going to discuss Run by Ann Patchett, a pretty good book, but not one I would own. What a fun week. I love bookclubs!

When Will There Be Good News by Kate Atkinson: I will probably wait a bit on this one because I own it and I’m waiting on a book from Amazon that I’m super excited about.

This book will soon (I hope) be on my nightstand:

What French Women Know — Debra Ollivier’s new book. I bought it as a pre-order and it wasn’t supposed to come out until September, but I just got a notice that it shipped! Her book, Entre Nous, was a HUGE influence on me and my life.

On my nightstand this week:

Books

I whipped through fellow blogger (www.fortyisthenew20.com) Phyllis Bourne Williams’ book “A Moment on the Lips”  — a very readable sweet love story.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have as much luck with the other books on my nightstand. I don’t know if it is my mood and I’m not in the mood for nonfiction, but I will be returning “Bella Lingua” and “The Audacity of Hope” to the library. I really, really want to read Obama’s book, but every time I picked it up, it didn’t hold my interest. It was even worse with Bella Lingua. To me,  it seemed like a text book you would read in a crash course before you moved to Italy. I just couldn’t get into it. Why can’t someone write a book about the Italians along the lines of all the fun books about the French (Entre Nous, French Women Don’t Get Fat, Two Lipsticks and a Lover)?

Happiness Sold Separately – I’m still enjoying this book. As I mentioned before, I pick it up whenever I don’t have a library book to read because I don’t have to return it to my SIL anytime soon.

The Historian — I haven’t even picked this up yet. A SIL loaned it to me. It looks too heavy to bring on the airplane when I go on vacation in a few days.

Movies

This week was not a big movie week. I watched “My House in Umbria” and that was it.

I have neglected some of my best habits and it is starting to show. My clothes are tighter and don’t look as well as I’d like them to. The two biggest habits I’ve let slide are: walking daily and not snacking between meals.

Both result from a lack of discipline in my life. I can blame the not walking on the strange spring and summer season (it is either raining or in the 90s). I can blame the snacking on — well, I guess I can’t blame that on anything. But the fact is, I have not been as disciplined in my habits as I’d like to be.

Discipline is the key to everything in my life.

* How and when I spend money

*What I put into my body (food, alcohol)

* What comes out of my mouth! (This is key in all my relationships, with friends, with family. What I choose to say, what I choose to leave unsaid. HOW I say things.)

*What and who I allow into my life and home (purchases, people, new clothes)

* How I maintain my household (from creating set routines for my children — to cleaning and organization — to making sure the dinner hour is sacred every night and a strong family tradition every Sunday — big family dinner!)

It seems whenever my life seems slightly out of whack, it all comes back down to discipline.

How does discipline affect your life?

On my nightstand and in my DVD player

I am a voracious reader and avid film watcher — or more honestly I am a complete bookworm and film freak!  During the summer I often sit outside on my patio while my kids splash in the kiddie pool and read my latest book. Rather than watch TV, I almost always prefer to curl up with a good book and a glass of wine after the kids are tucked into bed. I can usually be talked into putting down the book, however, if we have a good movie in the mail from Netflix.

In the DVD

During the past two weeks I’ve watched:

 ”Broken English” (note to all you francophiles: has a French angle and is a fun movie)

“The Reader” with Kate Winslet — an intense tear jerker worth watching

“Tron” I also somehow got talked into watching this again, but couldn’t sit through the whole thing

“Dead Man” with Johnny Depp. Love to look at the guy but got bored and went to bed

“Slumdog Millionaire” loved, loved this one

“Taken” with Liam Neeson. Intense action, great acting. If you like James Bond flicks, you’ll like this one.

On my nightstand:

“The Book Thief” I just finished this for one of my bookclubs and loved it. It was hard to believe it was written for young adults.  It is not in the picture because I loaned it to a SIL yesterday.

“Happiness Sold Separately” by Lolly Winston. I am a few chapters into this one and enjoying it immensely. It is a great summer read I can put down, pick back up later and get right back into it. I put it down whenever one of the books I have “ordered” from the library comes in. I borrowed it from a SIL so I can take my time with it.

“Firefly Lane” by Kristin Hannah. This is a library book with a waiting list so I am concentrating on this one the most and it is also the one my second bookclub is reading. So far I love it.

“The Audacity of Hope” by Barack Obama. I’ve only read the introduction to this so far.

Two chess books I keep meaning to re-read

The Price of Happiness

I came across this article in the July 2009 Good Housekeeping magazine that summed up a lot of my philosophy and views toward money.

The article basically says that you can find joy, happiness and contentment no matter what your budget is.

But you have to think carefully about how you spend your money to make this happen.

“The golden rule: Devote your dollars to things that further your goals and beliefs,” said one researcher. “It’s now very clear that nurturing the things that YOU value — whether that’s becoming more cultured or redesigning your garden — is what makes people happier.”

Buying material goods usually only provides temporary happiness and when you set your sights on acquisition, you often only gain the feeling of wanting more. “Purchases that support your own values, however, are more satisfying because they help to boost your feelings of self-worth.”

To “get the most bliss for your buck” you have to think long and hard before you spend your money.

* “One of the best ways to invest in happiness is to focus on DOING rather than OWNING … 57 percent (of people asked) said they got more happiness from things they had done — taking a vacation, riding a bike, strolling through a museum, eating a pretzel with a friend — than from stuff they had bought.”

It’s not only that these activities are fun while we are doing them, it is that we are creating longlasting memories.

One mother of two interviewed in the article said she has “set her financial priorities to create happy memories.

“She isn’t interested in replacing the television she bought in 1988. Instead, she saves her money so she can buy airplane tickets and travel to new places. The jaunts, she says, are exciting stress relievers — even well after they’re over and she’s back at work: ‘I recently spent five days in Paris with my husband, walking down old streets steeped in history. Thinking back on that during an otherwise difficult day relaxes me.”

These memories will bring her happiness for years to come.

“Material things, on the other hand, quickly lose their luster. You may spend hours fantasizing about buying a silk scarf, several days shopping for it and perhaps even some time enjoying it, but not much. Your brain quickly adjusts to the fact that the scarf is folded in your drawer, and before long, you’re so used to its being there, you can barely remember when it wasn’t.

“Once the object of your obsession, now the scarf blends into the background and becomes as normal to you as hot water, Internet access or automatic-drip coffee.”

* Splurge on mini treats. “It may sound counterintuitive, but researchers have found that over time that small, inexpensive indulgences have virtually the same emotional impact as big, pricey ones — making the little things a much better buy.”

Another study examined the purchase of big items versus small ones and the happiness quotient.

“It was the frequent treats of chocolate bars or bottles of wines with takeout dinners that made both groups happy — not the pricier purchase of artwork, designer luggage or CD players.”

So, I’m off to buy my bottle of wine.

Salut.

“Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.” 

– Sophia Loren

I knew a girl once who was stunning, just gorgeous, but did not know it. And even though her features were worthy of a magazine cover, her poor posture, her sloppy clothes and her slacker attitude detracted from her beauty, so that after awhile of being around her, you didn’t really think she was beautiful anymore. I used to say, if she thought she was half as beautiful as she is, she would be twice as beautiful as she is.

 Confidence is alluring.

 In my lifelong pursuit of la bella figura, I am inspired by words of wisdom from others. Here’s a few tidbits, taken from Nina Garcia’s book “The Little Black Book of Style.”:

“. . . But when a confident woman walks into a room, it is entrancing. I’ll watch as she moves with poise and self-possession. She is not usually the one in the plain black dress. She is the one in the interesting shirt and the vintage skirt, and I immediately want to know where she got them. And she may not be the most stunningly gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen, but she has a way about her that can make her one of the most intriguing. Confidence is captivating, it is powerful, and it does not fade — and that is endlessly more interesting than beauty.”

 Intelligence is alluring.

“I’ve always found that the women with amazing personal style are powerful, intriguing, and yes, even intelligent. Very intelligent. They know who they are and what they want to project upon the world. These women undertand that what they put on in the morning is the first thing people notice about them. It tells the world a bit of their story. And, more important, their clothes affect how they feel about themselves throughout the day.”

Uniqueness is alluring.

“A stylish woman makes me want to walk up to her and say “Where did you get that?” It is not in any magazine or on any runway I have seen, and I just have to find out where it is from. A flea market, her grandmother’s closet, wherever. I just know that I have not seen it before, which is the most intriguing thing in the world. All of the great style icons achieved this aura of intrigue.”

Garcia says that a style icon knows:

• How to edit. She only buys what she likes and what looks good on her.  (Garcia says your closet should only contain amazing choices)
•  To invest in “the bones” . . . and builds from there. (Garcia’s 10 staples: the LBD, a classic men’s white shirt, cashmere cardigan or turtleneck, a trench coat, denim, a man’s classic watch, diamonds, ballet flats, a classic high-heel pump and a great bag)
• To buy with drama. She goes for that over-the-top, decadent item. If she falls in love, she takes it home.  (“Buy what is truly fantastic. The leopard-print coat, the knock-them-dead dress, the decadent piece of jewelry … you know one when you see one. You fall in love with it immediately … you know you look good in it, everyone else knows you look good in it, and it is going to make you feel amazing … but buy timeless items … make sure you can see yourself wearing it a few seasons later … also consider if it reflects your personal style. It’s like falling in love and going on that first date. You just know.”) Other examples she gives, a cuff, they are always chic and sophisticated; killer shoes (high-heeled strappy sandals in metallic gold or silver); a stand-out coat; a knock-em-dead evening or cocktail dress (you just need one. invest the money in something truly amazing. A hand-beaded dress, a vintage forties dress, a dress that fits you perfectly. It may take you years to comb through sample sales, but find that dress.”
• The utmost importance of shoes. Lots of shoes. (Garcia says invest in a good pair of shoes. “Even if it’s only one pair .. spend wisely here, because it really matters.” She recommends Manolo Blahnik as the sexiest and safest investment (a sure thing); Christian Louboutin, Roger Vivier, Jimmy Choo or Azzedine Alai. She also says only show two cracks of toe cleavage, no more.)
• And the power of accessories. Done just the right way  (“Jackie O and her sunglasses. Audrey Hepburn and her scarf. Elizabeth Taylor and her diamonds … should choose her accessories as she chooses her friends, seeking out the ones that complement who she is, let her have fun, make her feel confident when she walks down the street, and stick by her through her ups and downs, her men, and her extra pounds. Because your accessories, like your friends, tell the world who you are. The key to accessorizing is to keep it personal and to keep it tasteful. To make it personal, wear something that means something to you: Grandmother’s old cross pendant or an antique watch or a bracelet from Mexico. “)
• A good tail0r.  (“A good tailor is like a good pair of shoes — necessary, worth every penny and capable of making you look ten pounds thinner… a good tailor can make any piece of clothing look expensive … fit clothes to your body without changing the look or shape … make anything you want .. if you have an amazing imagination and an amazing tailor, you can have him make that one perfect item that you want.”)
• How not to be the fashion victim. She never buys into the trends and she never carries the “it” bag.  (self explanatory, I think)
• It is not about the money. She wears her flea market Mexican earrings the same way she would wear her diamonds.(Fashion is expensive. Style is not. Some of the most stylish girls I know are certainly not the wealthiest. Ironically, it is often the girls with less money who seem to understand style the best … Garcia recommends: White Hanes t-shirts; L.L. Bean tote; a white button-up; khaki pants, flea-market finds; anything H&M, Target, Uniqlo and vintage steals (cheapest when taken from your mother’s closet).
• How to mix it up. (self explanatory, for instance, mixing couture and Target clothes)
• How to be imperfect. She understands that every day is not a photo shoot. (Garcia calls this the Kate Moss factor, something a bit off, hair messy, accessories not matching, shirt rumpled, but looking amazing.)

And that is style.

“Their suits, their shirts, their ties, their shoes, their haircuts, even their fingernails were all beyond perfection … bella figura … no American businessman without Italian blood would lavish the time, money and attention that were necessary to look the way they did. To present a bella figura to the world, no matter what was going on inside, was an Italian tradition that reached from the nobility to the peasants.” — Judith Krantz writing in The Lovers. 

La bella figura roughly translated means cutting a beautiful figure, an Italian philosophy that means putting careful thought into the face you present to the world by taking pride in one’s appearance from shiny, clean hair to real jewelry and freshly polished shoes.

To Italians, “presenting yourself well in thought, word and deed is a matter of personal dignity,” writes Raeleen D’Agostino Mautner in “Living La Dolce Vita.”

“The foreign visitor to Italy is typically amazed to observe how polished the men and women of the bel paese look, how good they appear to feel about themselves, and how graciously they interact with one another. Italian life is undeniable lived with a constant eye toward aesthetic beauty, dignity and civility. Learning to enhance the body and mind one is born with is more important than having been endowed with genetic perfection,” she writes.

To me, the Italian philosophy of La Bella Figura essentially boils down to always putting your best foot forward, not only physically but in everyway you present yourself to the world.

Stylewise,  it doesn’t mean spending thousands of dollars on clothing, makeup and jewelry. What it does mean to me is being selective, purchasing timeless, classic styles and choosing quality over quantity.It is philosophy that “less is more” – a belief not very common in the American consumer society. But in some European countries that we admire for the pleasure they take in creating a quality life, it is par for the course.

In the style bible, Simple Isn’t Easy, by Olivia Goldsmith and Amy Fine Collins, a famous French architect is quoted saying “American closets shock me. So much, too much. No one can dress well with so many clothes.”

In the same book, shoe designer Manolo Blahnik is quoted saying “It is a question of selection, to choose less. That is something Americans do not understand. They think that more is better.”

 So, yes, I may own a gorgeous purse, but it’s one of only two purses in my closet.Again: it’s a question of choosing less not more. For me less is more means I would rather scrimp and save my money to buy a beautifully cut pairs of jeans that flatter me and will give me years of wear.And sure living this way most likely means delaying instant gratification.

Saving money to buy what you want is not something we are used to in these days of instant credit, mass mailing of credit card approvals and the ability to purchase almost anything we might desire online in the privacy of our own home.What it will mean is an increased satisfaction and appreciation for the things we do own and the desire to care for them so they will last and give us as much pleasure for as long as possible.