I just wanted to say a special thank you to the women who participated in the Chic Friends posting. Let me tell you, it takes some courage to have your picture posted online. It took me months to show my face on this blog. I kept hiding it behind the camera …. So a big thank you to all those women, especially those who have never had their photos posted on a blog before. They all have different looks and styles, but I know you will agree that they are all beautiful and chic! I know I learned so much from their style advice and insight and hope you did too.

In a few months, I’m going to have a second round of this post and hope others will want to join in next time.

Anyway, thanks again all you lovely ladies!

I have been mulling this idea for a while and hope people will participate.

I feel so lucky to have such a chic group of women who read my blog and just like many of you are curious about my wardrobe, I am also curious about yours. And I’m sure I’m not the only one.

I would love to ask you to send me photos of your favorite go-to outfit for me to post on my blog for a special guest posting. You know, the outfit you always feel good in and that never lets you down.

Or maybe it is an outfit you are refining and would like some advice from readers about …. For instance, maybe you have a new skirt and are trying out ways to wear it and looking for feedback … whatever … just let me know when you send in the photo. I’m hoping to get photos by the end of next week if there is interest.

I know Aaonce is in so I will definitely do a posting with her, maybe with an interview about style if she’ll go for it : )

If you are interested please email me at mammaitaliana23@gmail.com.

Please don’t be shy! I am really excited about this idea and hope readers and other bloggers participate …

Marsi, DC, Tine, Nancy, Phyllis, Stephanie, Fiona, Lillian, Beth, La, Patricia, Tish, Jade, Jeanne, Liz, Jean, Andi, Cherie,  — just to name a few of the regular readers I love to hear from!!!!!!

Actually A from My French Corner is off the hook, but everyone else … PLEASE, please consider it!

Thanks!

K

A very Italian and la bella figura philosophy is to care for your belongings. Taking care of what you own shows respect for yourself, respect for your belongings and respect for the planet.

The classic example is the Italian man or woman who drives the older vehicle and spends weekends polishing it and caring for it so it always looks like new.

It is also about keeping those old shoes polished and your clothes ironed and your house spotless (I have a problem with this last one, especially with two small kids).

It is about meticulously cleaning your appliances, such as your blender, after each use.

It is taking care of everything you own so it will serve you well and last for years.

It isn’t about tossing something that is broken or needs to be repaired unless it is a hopeless case. It is about trying not to buy anything that is “disposable” that is meant to have a short life and then meant to be tossed.

Instead of discarding what you own so readily, try to figure out if you can fix something that is broken or find a new use for an item before you pass it on. I am trying to do this.

There is a fine balance between decluttering and using what you have until it no longer gives you use. I think the differences is that if you own an item, such as a toaster that works and serves your purposes but maybe isn’t the exact model or color you like — use it as long as you can before you replace it.

The idea is to not replace useful items so readily … use what you can as long as you can.

For instance, I am not overly thrilled with my winter coat, but by taking off the belt and the belt loops, I am much happier with the way it fits. With the waist belted, it looked sloppy, bulky and not chic in the least bit.  When one of the loops for the belt broke off, I decide to tug on the other one and become belt free. the only problem is I ended up with two big rips in the sides of my wool coat. Then a button came off.

Because it is wool and an expensive clothing item, my immediate thought was to take it to the tailor for repairs. I kept waiting to have enough extra money to do this. Didn’t happen. So I sat down with a needle and thread and repaired it myself. It was actually easier than I thought. The stitches aren’t great, but my repair work does not show.

Then I took my beloved trench coat and reinforced the beautiful wooden flower buttons on it. I was upset last spring when I lost one of the buttons on it. I found it crushed by a tire on the street. Luckily, I could pull off an unseen button under the collar and use that. But that was the only button left that doesn’t show, so I need to make sure I don’t lose any more.

This photograph by Pamela Hanson http://www.pamelahanson.com/fashion   has always captured my fantasty of living in a European city in my small apartment overlooking a bustling boulevard.

For some reason I imagine this is a very small apartment, maybe even a studio apartment where this woman lives.  It just appeals to my love of small homes, small apartments, few possessions, but ones that are meaningful.

One thing I have always loved about Europeans (at least the ones I have known personally) is that they were all so nonmaterialistic.

It wasn’t about buying, buying, buying. It was about living.

For them, life wasn’t about having things. Life was about having experiences.

I have tried to embrace this in my own life.

I remember reading in Entre Nous, how French women “make do” with their clothing, their belongings, even their husbands — not trying to change them to meet their expectations.

I like to remember this philosophy of making do when I cook — using up the ingredients I already have in my cupboards and refrigerator; when I “shop” my closet — working with the clothes I have instead of believing I need more of them; with my belongings — for instance, I will place one pot ontop of another for a voila! instant double boiler instead of thinking I need to go buy a new kitchen accoutrement.

I am trying to live my life this way and hopefully get out of debt and then only spend my money on things like books, movies, language classes, cashmere sweaters, wine, good food, piano lessons for my kids, etc.

It began when I was not even 20 and I was in a very unhealthy, scary relationship that was complicated and difficult to get out of. I looked around at an apartment full of stuff that was owned by both of us. I felt trapped. That is an understatement. I felt underwater, overwhelmed and helpless.

So I began packing boxes — for him.

I threw everything in that apartment into his boxes and walked out of there with my clothes and a boxspring.

I was free. I was free of him. I was free of all the “stuff’ and belongings that trapped me.

Good for me. Except what I brought with me was a neurosis about owning things. If I began to accumulate too many belongings, I started to feel trapped again.

One of the best experiences in my life was when I backpacked through Europe for two months. I carried everything I needed to live for 2 months on my back. I didn’t buy souveneirs — I took pictures. It was a wonderful time in my life. I was free as a bird, so to speak.

But that was not real life. In real life I had more than what fit on my back. I would move from one college apartment to another with what would fit in my small hatchback. I had discarded the boxspring early on and had a small, twin roll up futon mattress that rolled up in the back of my car.

I think I lived like this for another 15 years as I moved from apartment to apartment in L.A., then Seattle, then Monterey, then Oakland.

Then I got pregnant. For some reason this allowed me to relax a little. I didn’t feel like I had to be ready to run at any second. I didn’t feel trapped by my belongings anymore. Well, maybe a little.

Now, what I do, is I declutter. I only keep what I love and find useful. But I still know deep inside me there is the desire to own nothing and to be able to leave in a heartbeat.

I love those exercises where you look at your belongings and have to decide what to take if you have 20 minutes to pack before a fire consumes your house. Because there is always a mental list in my head.

So yes I am a minimalist in the good sense where I would rather be on my deathbed and remember all the “experiences” I had instead of the things I owned, but I also am a minimalist in the bad sense, where I fight within myself to be able to live a life where “stuff” doesn’t own me, I own it and it doesn’t take up space in my thoughts — it just is.

Sunday:

Outfit:

Black dress (H&M) thrifted

Navy cashmere cardigan

Black Boots (Naturalizer) thrifted

Vintage amethyst pendant necklace

Menu:

Breakfast: small dish whole milk plain yogurt with blueberries: cafe au lait

Lunch: pulled pork sandwich; mashed potatoes; green salad; wine

Dinner: 1/4 stuffed zucchini; baked beets

Finances:

$90 at market

Saturday

Outfit:

Black crochet bodice tee (Marshalls)

Levis

Black bead necklace looped three times (Target)

Black sandals (Lauren by Ralph Lauren) thrifted

* by noon, I had to thrown on a navy blue cashmere cardigan to ward off the chill

Menu:

Breakfast: two slices of toast with butter; cafe au lait

Lunch: two slices of bread sprinkled with olive oil, topped with slices of homegrown tomatoes, parmesan cheese slices; one ear of corn

Dinner: one pork chop broiled; romaine salad with avocado, baked beets with butter; wine

Finances:

$0

Outfit

Teal tee (J.Crew)

Levis

Turquoise/pink/aqua scarf (Target)

Turquoise sandals (Target)

Menu:

Breakfast: small dish whole milk plain yogurt with blueberries on top; cafe au lait

Lunch: leftover sausage and white bean cassoulet; carrots

Dinner: BLT; wine

Finances:

$3 latte at coffee shop

 Beauty is in the attitude?

 I was just reading an interesting post by one of my favorite bloggers, Observations of an Irish Girl in Boston (see link to right under friends) and was thinking about the idea of how a lot of our beauty stems from attitude. And how sometimes people may react to our self confidence as much as to our appearance.

Several years ago I knew a stunningly beautiful young woman in her early 20s. She didn’t wear a bit of makeup, dressed in sloppy clothes and could have graced the cover of any magazine around the world. But she had terrible posture, lay around smoking pot and eating fast food all the time. She was also very insecure and had a silly personality (in my eyes it appeared she was determined to be viewed as an “air head”).

I used to always say that if she believed she were half as beautiful as she was,  she would be twice as beautiful as she was.

We’ve all seen her (and the French woman is archetypal here, isn’t she?) the woman who may not be traditionally beautiful  but nonetheless is striking, stunning, gorgeous. There is so much to be said about how we carry ourselves, our posture, our self confidence, our belief in our worth/value.

I can’t believe I am admitting this in print, but I used to do “experiments” when I was younger, single and lived in Los Angeles. They would work like this: I would “put on” an attitude that I was AMAZING LOOKING and walk through a crowd at a nightclub, gauging the reactions. I tell you what — there were dozens of WAY PRETTIER girls than me in that room, but when I acted like I was TRULY AMAZING  and walked by people, heads turned and men approached me constantly. 

On the flip side, if I didn’t PROJECT this self confidence, it was often a lonely night at the club, watching other people dance., flirt and have fun.

Sometimes when I feel insecure in an awkward situation I try to emulate a woman I met through my French friend. This other French woman just projected the most self-confident nonchalance I have ever seen. I’ll never forget her attitude one day at the park talking on her cell phone. It wasn’t what she was saying (I was across the park) it was her posture, her gestures, her movements. She was so striking.

I was once in a situation where some acquaintances were treating me very rudely. They had asked me to meet them at their house to help them with some work for an upcoming baby shower. When I arrived — right at the appointed time — they were not home. I waited 20 minutes and then called one on her cell phone. She acted very irritated with me saying they were still at another location and would be home as soon as they could. No apology for keeping me waiting and a very irritated tone.

While I was waiting,  I tried to figure out how I wanted to react to them when they showed up. I really, really wanted to yell at them or even leave before they arrived. Or just pout or be snotty. Because let’s face it, my feelings were also hurt. But I knew this wouldn’t do anything except make me feel worse and more taken advantage of. I also wanted to stay to help because I was friend’s with the recipient of the baby shower.

As I waited in my trenchcoat on their patio deck (I was NOT going to sit in my car looking pathetic!)  I remembered this French woman. I got out my cell phone, assumed her posture and attitude and enjoyed myself so much talking to a friend, that I didn’t even notice when these acquaintances arrived. I think they were a little miffed that I remained on the deck finishing my conversation after they unlocked the door for me to go inside.

I was projecting (and really feeling it now) an attitude of nonchalance, having a blast laughing and enjoying myself and oh, if they were late, I hadn’t even noticed.

 They were so rude that they didn’t even apologize for having me sit outside their house for 30 minutes waiting.

I know in some instances it is worth being assertive and saying something, such as, “I think it was rude of you to ask me to be here at a certain time to help you and then having me wait for 30 minutes. It was also rude of you to not apologize about being late, etc., etc.”

But in this case, it appeared that my nonchalance about their rudeness just served to irritate them even more. As if they were trying to be rude to me and by me not reacting, they lost that battle.

Needless to say, I do not spend time with these people anymore.

But these situations and observations I have made over time just serve to reinforce my belief that your attitude and posture mean more than just about anything — more than your clothes that day, more than your cute new hairstyle or new makeup, more than your fit body — it is your own self confidence, posture and belief in yourself that others really notice.

Outfit:

Turquoise tee (J Crew)

Levis

Turquoise sandals (Target)

Mexican silver vintage choker

Menu:

Breakfast: onion bagel with cream cheese; cafe au lait

Lunch: leftover bowl of Greek salad; radishes with salty butter; 1/2 bagel with cream cheese and tomato slices; coffee

Dinner: scrambled eggs with salsa, fresh bread toasted; wine

Dessert: blueberry dumpling (Check out the recipe on Eurochic’s blog — link is under friends). Delicious.

Finances:

$0

What is chic/ladylike behavior?

When I was working at the college newspaper, my women friends there cringed at being called “Ladies” because it implied there were expectations on how they should act and that it might stifle what they wanted to accomplish. I think, at the time, it was a loaded word. For years I also wanted to be called a “woman” instead of “lady” because of this reason.

But now? Frankly, I don’t care. I really don’t think it labels me to be called a lady or have ladylike behavior. In fact, this stereotypical behavior is now something I strive for. After years of being in a newsroom where you could slam down the phone, stand up and let loose a stream of profanities at the top of your lungs without anyone even looking your way, I have embraced “feminine” behavior and relish being a lady. I like to dress nice, I don’t swear and I try to be as much a woman as I can.

I realized this last weekend when I went to a friend’s house around noon to watch a movie. We put all the children  in the basement with a kid movie and then drank beer and watched “Taken” upstairs. One of the women who showed up, who is as nice as can be, really struck me with her behavior. I had only met her briefly at soccer games and thought she was very nice and actually well-put together, but after Saturday my opinion changed somewhat.

When I first got to the house I noticed she had wet hair, no makeup and was wearing shorts and a big baggy t-shirt. She explained her wet hair by saying she had already been at my friend’s house but had been wearing her pajamas and when she heard more people were coming she rushed home (next door) to take a shower and change.

As I write this I’m trying to figure out the point of it and I guess I was surprised that she didn’t take the time to get herself ready for the day and just wandered over to the neighbors in pajamas but then felt “more ready” when she showed up in sloppy clothes, wet hair and no makeup. I was just a little baffled by it.  I kept thinking of a passage in the book “French Women Don’t Sleep Alone”:

“I couldn’t understand why the women seemed to get more dressed up on weekends when they took their children to the park. Why did they wear a skirt and high heels? French women take even more care to look good on weekends because their husbands are home and the streets are filled with men enjoying their day off. If you are married and want him to focus more on you — what better way to show him that you are a woman of the world, stylish and well-groomed and other men are taking notice of you.”

Then, while we were watching the movie this woman let out a gigantic burp — in front of all the other people there and said, “Excuse me. We have a policy in my house that burping and farting are allowed as long as you warn people if it is going to smell.”

Not chic. I just couldn’t help but wonder — does her husband like this? Is this considered attractive to the other men in the room? I’m all for being able to let loose and act comfortable and be casual, but most definitely not in this way.

Note: When I told my Italian-American friend about this, she said her response would have been “You’re not in your house.”

 Outfit:

Turquoise Velvet Tee

Navy Target skirt

Vintage Oscar de la Renta turquoise/black/white scarf

Black Dansko sandals

Silver bracelet

*I changed out of my skirt and into jeans and boots for soccer tonight.

Menu:

Breakfast: slice of homemade  bread toasted with butter and apricot Bonne Maman, cafe au lait

Snack: banana; coffee

Lunch: Romaine salad with homemade vinaigrette, pieces of salami, colby cheese, avocado and blueberries; slice homemade bread dipped in olive oil with parmesan sprinkled in it.

Dinner: Spaghetti with garlic, olive oil, parmesan cheese and tons of fresh ground black pepper; romaine salad with avocado and honey mustard homemade vinaigrette; wine

 Finding your Style

with the help of one of my all-time favorite books:

 Simple Isn’t Easy, How to find your personal style and look fantastic every day!

by Olivia Goldsmith and Amy Fine Collins

I quoted from this book yesterday and decided to include more from it. This little pink book made a HUGE impact on me. It completely changed the way I dressed, the way I thought about dressing and how I shopped.

If you are really struggling to establish your “style” here’s  some strategies or “six never-fail fixes” the authors give:

1. Use a Single Color

Priscilla, a big, tall Texas blonde, wears virtually any silhouette, from a minidress to a formal suit — as long as the outfit is red. “Valentine red makes me happy,” she explains. “And I get my variety in wearing my skirts slim or bouffant, or wearing slacks and sweaters or any shape I want to. It’s just all in red. It’s become my trademark, in a way. All my friends give me red gifts. My little sister does the same with cotton-candy pink.

The single-color strategy is especially common in the fashion world, though there the color of choice is most often black (a gathering of designers, models and editors could be mistaken for a pallbearers’ convention). Why black? Because almost all blacks go together — not to mention the fact that that day’s stains and wrinkles seem to disappear, and that black is always slimming. Also, black has been perceived as chic since before Chanel invented the little black dress. “Black is not a trend. It’s there forever,” says Geoffrey Beene.

But remember that there is a complication in the one-color strategy: not all oranges are created equal. Nor is the one color that you have chosen always going to be available. One reason why the monochrome look is most popular with red, black, white, beige or navy is because these colors are fashion perennials and almost always offered each season. Even if a color is meant to be consistent, dye lots change from bolt to bolt and season to season. Certain colors are deemed to be “in” by the garmentos one season only to disappear by the next one. If you’ve settled on your favorite shade, just be warned that color is sometimes harder to match than to contrast or combine.

2. Stick with the Perennial Fashion Colors

As mentioned above, this is another color-based fashion strategy. Use black, white, red, beige and navy. You can build a wardrobe just on mixing these five colors and add from the best of any new season’s offering, secure in the knowledge that they will mix well together.

(This is one strategy I whole-heartedly embrace!)

3. Select a Single Silhouette and Stick with it

This one is tricky, since we know all too well that silhouettes change faster than leaves in autumn.

Mary, Amy’s friend, is arrestingly chic at age eighty and has been wearing the same dress for decades. Boy, does she look great in it. No, not just one dress, silly! A whole closet full of jewel necked, long-sleeved, knee-length chemises that she sews herself, copied after one very costly original purchased way back in the midsts of time. Amy’s seen it in fluttering light silk in  the summer, thick nubby tweed in the winter and it never ceases to impress. Mary not only found her style at an early age, but had the courage, savvy and spirit to stick with it.

A friend of mine bypasses retail establishments altogether. Tomboy-casual yet well-groomed, Jan wears either jeans and cardigan sweaters she handknits or suits made by her husband’s tailor, “always cut from the same pattern. And cheaper than lots of off-the-rack women’s suits.”

Sophia Loren has her own bifurcated version of this strategy. “I like classic clothes for day, but when I go out at night, I like fluffy evening dresses. When you walk in one you feel like you are conquering the world.” Well, it works for her. I’d feel silly and self-conscious in a huge taffeta skirt. But hey, she’s got her (two) uniforms and I’ve got mine.

4. Stick with a Single Designer

There are times when that rare miracle occurs. You try on a dress or a pantsuit and you know — it was made for you. It fits everywhere. It flatters, it feels good. You want to wear it out of the shop and never take it off. You want to sleep and shower in it. Who designed it? What’s on the label? Thank the maker. If you’re lucky (and the designer is good) it will be like coming home every time you slip on his clothes.

Diana Vreeland, while fashion editor of Harper’s Bazaar, had the opportunity to wear anything in the world, but day in and out, she wore only Mainbocher suits. She found a designer, she found a uniform and she looked divine. In fact, she became a legend.

Cynthia Carter, wife of Vanity Fair editor-in-chief Graydon, has a completely different look which also transcends fashion. For her it is about masses of dark curly hair, pale skin and romantic, layered ensembles by Romeo Gigli. No one else looks like her, but everyone else looks AT her — admiringly.

Amy also wholeheartedly embraces this monogamous fashion philosophy, in her clothes (Beene), her pantyhose (Hanes,) and even her exercise wear (Gilda Manx). She finds this strictness about her choices liberating.

But buyer beware: With Seventh Avenue pattern makers, fit models and fabricators changing as often as your underwear and design teams large enough to fill a football stadium, consistency in a given label is rare and should be valued. When it’s found, be faithful.

5. Stick with a Single Outfit in Every Color Available

Geoffrey Beene’s design assistant tells us his most fashion savvy clients often purchase the same outfit in every color available, rather than buying all over the entire collection. The manager of one chic shoe boutique in New York says that her most well-shod customers do the same with their favorite pumps or boots. I myself have the same pair of terrific lace-up boots in black, brown and tan.

6. Dark Bottom, Colored Top

As I mentioned (earlier in the book), I came up with a fairly simple solution for myself: Pear-shaped, like most women, I feel most comfortable and look best in dark slacks or skirt and tights. But because head-to-toe black is too boring and severe for me, I add my neutral-toned jackets and sweaters, often with a white blouse under them. If your upper half is your better half, I add this suggestion of Eleanor Lambert, creator of the International Best-Dressed List: “Save interesting details and colors for above the waist — people will notice your face first, not your hips.”

The authors end the chapter with this thought:

“The unifying principle behind each of these strategies is what we call THE RULE OF ONE. One color, one palette, one silhouette, one outfit … ONE STYLE!

“The single idea that rings through all these approaches is that simplicity and discipline are necessities. Very few women have the time, interest, money, talent and lifestyle to support a wardrobe that requires Imelda Marcos’s closetful of shoes and a dedicated ladies maid. Yet you may feel these suggestions threaten you. Examine your resistance. Where’s the variety? you may wonder. Where’s the excitement? Where’s the unexpected? Not to mention, what will you do with all that extra junk hanging in your closet now?

“If you do feel threatened, ask yourself: Is this what I want from my clothes — excitement, variety, thrills? Sadly, we’ve observed that for many women what they really want in their LIVES appears only in their CLOSET. My friend Lisa kept buying little cocktail dresses whenever she shopped. One day, she had what we call a moment of fashion enlightenment. “I NEVER got to cocktail parties,” she confessed. “But I can’t stop buying these dresses. I think I want to live the life I’m shopping for.” There CAN be fun, pleasure and excitement in YOUR closet, but it should be based on your reality. If you don’t have a place to wear a dress you want to own, then change your life, not your wardrobe.

A few other rules to remember as you “try on” a style.

Accept that you can’t be everything. Letting go is a part of this process.

Accept that you can’t have everything. Even if you could afford to, it wouldn’t help you to look better.

Pick the things you can live in most comfortably and happily. Some things look good but don’t feel good. Others are the reverse. People tell me that I look good in red, and I can see that I do. But I don’t feel comfortable in red. So I’ve given it up. Decide on the things that work best both ways. We all want to find the utopian place where comfort meets good looks.